Well, well, well…we have our first student.

A student who needs a quick trip to school that is.

First I suppose I should say something to welcome our readers, this being our first post and all.

Welcome.

Sorry, that’s all you get.  I’m not feeling very friendly today due to the tiny vial of jealousy our first student has dared place into our box.

Oh, thank you.  Thank you for making something sexual out of the fact that I said,

…into our box…,

in reference to our receiving an email.  I cannot tell you how impressed I am.

Let’s get to our first student’s email, shall we?

Hi Itty Bitty & Brass Knuckles,

My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years and have lived together for the past six.  We like to visit his family in his home town, but sometimes he goes without me if I have to work.  I don’t like it when he does that because his high school sweetheart lives there.  Now it’s even worse because we moved a few months ago and I found a box full of old cards and letters from her.  He said he had forgotten all about it.  But when I wanted to throw it out he got pissed and said he would like to keep it.  It is in our attic.  I gave him the ultimatum of either throwing the box out or never going to his home town with out me again.  He said I am being selfish and childish.

Is that true?

I guess I’ll take my chances now and hit the send button.

Sheila

Hi Shelia,

Looks like you’re the best student for this, our first post.  Why?  Because the title of this post fits what I was thinking when I read about that little (I say little in the way of small, tiny, petty) ultimatum you’ve given your boyfriend of seven years:

Well, well, well…aren’t you a selfish little bitch.

I’m also wondering if you aren’t a lazy bitch as well because you didn’t do much typing when it came to things that would cause me to raise a red flag and suggest we turn you over to Brass Knuckles.  She’s all about dealing with things that have to do with other people.  But I assure you, this one is all about you.  Jealous, petty, suspicious you.

Your missing ingredients:

• There is no mention of past indiscretions on the part of your boyfriend
• You don’t bring up any current cards and letters from your boyfriend’s high school sweetheart
• Not a word is spoken about his high school sweetheart being on the scene when he visits his home town without you

Do you see where I’m going with this?

No?

How about if I bring your attention to the fact that you said you and your boyfriend have been together for 7 years and lived together for the past 6?  How about the fact that you said you two have recently moved?

Being willing to move with someone is always a good sign.  Even if that move was precipitated by something awful (i.e. financial problems, job loss, health problems, etc…)  It is a sign that a couple is sticking together.  Moving up or down or out…together.

So maybe you’re not a lazy bitch after all.

Maybe you’re only an uptight and suspicious bitch?

Yes, I know Shelia.  I know you’re going to bring up the fact that he doesn’t want to get rid of that box of old cards and letters from his high school sweetheart.  But you know what?  You don’t want to get rid of your old box of cards and letters from some old flame either.  No, you may not literally have a box of old cards and letters sitting around.  But, at the very least, you do have old memories that you cherish.  Memories that you would be terribly remiss should you decide to let go of.

Old flames, high school sweethearts, even past relationships that were bad are the yarn that was used to knit you together in a way that made you capable of sticking with your man for seven years.  Whether we keep those old flames in a box in our attic or in our mind as a memory, they are important, they are lessons, and they are ours.  We should never let them go.

In answer to your question, yes.  Yes you are being selfish and childish.

Let him have his memories and I would even recommend taking time to appreciate your own.

In other words, chill the fuck out.  You’re being selfish, childish, suspicious, jealous and petty.  In case you don’t already know, that is a recipe for ruining what seems to be a pretty good thing between you and your boyfriend.

All of this is of course being said while keeping one very important thing in mind:

If you should happen to discover your boyfriend in the attic jacking off into that box of old cards and letters, drop us another email and we will have an entirely different conversation.

Until then, knock it off with the petty bullshit and appreciate what you’ve got.