2.3 Brain Cells

Please, someone tell me, how is it we actually have to have some of these conversations?  Fuck.

Dear itty bitty and Brass Knuckles,

We are BFF’s and are writing to have you settle an argument.  One of us is dating a really good guy who has two little kids from his past marriage.  He sees them on the schedule he and his ex-wife set up.  He will also see them extra if his ex-wife asks him to — even if he has to cancel a date to do so.  One of us thinks it is a great thing that he will cancel a date to see his kids.  The other one thinks it is very selfish. 

Who is right?

Sincerely,

Buffy and Buffy

Dear Buffy and Buffy,

Do you know I’m all about clarity?  You know, that thing where mature people mean what they say and say what they mean.

Let me give you an example:

That  Buffy and Buffy shit is so stupid that it caused me to wonder if, together, you posess enough brain cells to accomplish the complicated task of chewing food.  It makes me want to summon up the willingness to stop Christmas shopping immediately so I can create a scheme to have you both removed from society. 

That, Buffy and Buffy, is perfect clarity about how stupid I think that Buffy and Buffy shit is.

Some assumptions:

1. You failed at least 2 high school classes or 6 college courses together
2. You still frequent the bar you were frequenting 10 years ago
3. You have fucked, at the very least, seven of the same guys
4. You think ‘BFF’ means ‘Best Fuckin’ Friends’
5. You write notes to one another in a code language that, because you are both so stupid, took you 4 years to create
6. Neither one of you can remember enough of your code language to actually know what the other one is talking about 75% of the time
7. The Buffy who is not dating the guy with kids has her crooked little fingers crossed in hopes that the other Buffy breaks up with him so she can fuck his brains out

Let’s keep moving forward, shall we?

1. If you want a ‘really good guy who has two little kids’ to see when ever you want, break up with him.  You’ll save yourself the trouble of having to use your 2.3 brain cells to figure out why he calls you a selfish bitch and kicks you directly out of his life.
2. If you want a ‘really good guy’ who gets it that his young children are irreplaceable and nasty, gravity laden asses like ‘Buffy’s' are a dime a dozen, stay with him.
3. Don’t worry your very empty heads about #2.  My guess is that whichever ‘Buffy’ is dating the ‘really good guy’ has already bitched and complained enough about him spending time with his kids that #1 is going to happen before Christmas.

The good news?  He might just be ‘really good guy’ enough to fuck the remaining Buffy and you two would have another shared experience to write notes to each other about.